my life

It is a problem when we don´t trust, we do such foolish things. Some times I just want to hit my head against the wall. Why, why. Ok I´ll tell what I´ve done. Like I´ve been mentioning here I´m in love with some one. And a way I found to reach him was writing emails to him. The first email he only answered because I told him through the orkut to check his email, well then he answered, after that I wrote another one and he never answered it again, and that just killed me. So my mind, my heart seemed it would burst if I didn't tell him how I felt, Ohhh what a foolish heart of mine. Instead of waiting on the Lord, He told me himself to wait, and I didn't. Foolish little girl I was. I had the most romantic idea, to send him sms through his cel phone, to let him know that there was some one that loved him as much as I do. Instead of just waiting. And the game was on, I´d write everyday but weekends, twice a day mostly. Mainly love messages, about what I thought about him, not much about myself, the idea was not let him know who I was, instead was to just release some of the pressure that was in my heart, and just knowing that those words were putting a smile on his face, then that was making me happy. But my stupid heart couldn't stop. I got involved and forgot my values, my submission to God, not trusting Him to fullfil all of my need in glory. Ohh what a mess, God take me home, I cant stop crying, everyday. I´m such a fool, I just cant forgive myself, I was seductive, and that's not how a woman of God should act. Never, ever. I asked him His forgiveness and the mans, He want expecting it I think, but he had to know that I was so ashamed of my actions, and know, writing this in the midst of my tears and anguishes I think, I´ve lost him forever. When will I stop crying, I bless Gods name because I made less mistakes that I would if he was closer to me.

Hoje sai com os meus para um Parque da cidade, muito lindo, cheinho de galos e galinhas, pintinhos a pavoes, colmeias ate cavalos tinha. Nossa nao sei pq me senti mais pertinho dele, como se eu estivesse fazendo um pouco mais de parte do mundinho dele. Mas mesm assim me sinto meio deixada de lado, pq ele nem respondeu o meu email,nada e estou esperando. Mas confio no Senhor todo poderoso, Ele sabe o que e melhor para mim. Nao sei pq encanei tanto com ele, nao sei mesmo, mas fazer o que ne... logo minha amiga disse que eu o vou esquecer por ele nao dar nenhum feedback. Esta esperanca tb esta em pe, so para eu parar de sofrer e chorar, e sentir tanta saudade. Sou uma besta mesmo. Mesmo assim acho que vou ter aulas de hipismo para ver se eu pego o jeito da coisa, de montar e tal,,, vamos explorar este lado cowboy que eu sempre quiz, e ver que a vida nao e so de amores, mas de aventuras como estas com meus filhos e muitas alegrias com eles tres hominhos que me dao o valor devido..

Me ajude Senhor, me supra todas as necessidades em gloria.